Crackerjack. Remember when they used to have actual prizes in there? A little magnifying lens? A tiny compass? Stuff that might actually save your life if you were lost out in the wilderness. You know what's in there now? A piece of paper you fold over to show you Ben Franklin, or a 'pencil topper' which is another piece of paper with a picture of a ladybug on it to stick on top of a pencil. How does anyone live without one of those?
I would have loved to have been in on that meeting..."Okay team, we've been put in charge of coming up with the next round of Crackerjack prizes, but all the prizes will have to be on paper."
"You mean you want us to write the ideas down?"
"No, I mean the prizes have to be made out of paper".
"That's not a prize. That's litter waiting to happen."
"Listen, having the words, " a prize in every box" on the box is a Crackerjack tradition, but our budget
for prizes this year is like, sixteen dollars, so we have to figure out how to work with that"
" Here's an idea: why don't we just not print that on the side of the box? Then, nobody gets their hopes up.We don't look like incredibly cheap bastards. Everybody wins!"
"Leave this meeting without a paper prize idea and you're fired."
"Pencil toppers...with um..ladybugs".
Everything is so cheap because everybody's broke. Nobody's getting
to see Ben on the 100 dollar bill anymore. Might as well put him in Crackerjack.